snow photos
new car and house photos
Thanksgiving 2004 photos
It’s been a month since I’ve posted any news. It is not because nothing happened. We have been busy and we are settling into a routine. I’m reminded of the old Bette Midler line when she complained about a venue. "I’m in a lounge act not of my own choosing". I may not have chosen here in an ideal world. But we make our choices and must live up to the consequences.
We are slowly getting used to things here. Now "getting used to" is not "loving it" or even "liking it". But accepting it.
Thanksgiving 2004
This was an emotional roller coaster for me. It’s my favorite holiday in the year. Better than birthdays and/or Christmas. Both of those I had enough wonderful ones as a kid to last a lifetime. But thanksgiving was
MY holiday celebrated in a traditional way I wanted with people I wanted to share it with. It was my one time every year to at least once say thank you to those whose were very special to me. Michael and I really enjoyed the shared time together planing and preparing for our "fressorgie" every year.
This year we volunteered to do it for my family. This was the first time in 25 years that my entire family was home for the holiday. Besides Michael and I , my sister BJ and her gang came from Atlanta. My Brother Tommy normally celebrates Thanksgiving with his in-laws in Arkansas. But this year for us everyone showed up. So we had Thanksgiving for 34 people; my parents my 5 siblings and their spouses, and my 20 nieces and nephews.
Of course Michael made too much (as usual). But every family brought something too. So there was lots and lots of food. The interesting point was it was the guys who did most of the cooking. Michael did his normal feast plus one nephew made a vegetable dish with Yams, another nephew made an apple pie, one of my brother in laws made a bean casserole, my brother made a chocolate pie, another brother in law did a cranberry dish. Seems none of my sisters really cook.
It was a normal raucous noisy and wild meal but as always my folks had a prayer before the meal. They asked everyone to say something and asked me to go first. I said I’d like to say something afterward and passed. It was a typical "thanks for the….. blah blah blah" that we’ve all said since we were six.
Normally when they are through it’s like the opening of a floodgate and they all rush to devour the food. This time I asked them to indulge me. I wrote and practiced a speech. I gave it , got all weepy and they all started crying too. I told them about how important Thanksgiving was to me and how much I missed my Vienna Family and was very said that they were not with me.
I told the kids the story of the first Thanksgiving and how I too had been a wanderer, a pilgrim and lost as a stranger in a strange land where everything was new and scary. How I too had strangers who took me in and showed me the way and that if they had never been in that situation they could not imagine how frightening and how relieved and how so very very thankful you’d be too have friends in need.
I then told each of them individually how thankful I was and a specific reason why I was thankful for them. We Cunninghams are great talkers and very good story tellers but not real good in putting our true feelings and real emotions into words to each others. Emotions are powerful and can be fraught with danger and misunderstandings.
My brother, my sisters and I are all very different but very similar in one way. We are much more sensitive emotionally than we like to let on or show to others. So a bold show of raw heartfelt emotion was a rare site at this family gather. It had the intended effect. We all took time and REALLY thought about those who are important to us.
A TWO CAR FAMILY
A reality of living in modern America is that every adult must have a car or a driver. Once Michael started working full time he had no choice but to drive there. Although there is rudimentary public transportation most of it is either political "Status Projects" like the light rail train we took to the State Fair in October or it is a rickety old and irregular bus system that it not dependable or comprehensive. Even the Mexican maids now have some kind of car.
I was driving Michael to work every day and then going to pick him up in the evening in the rush hour traffic. The commute on a day when there are no other cars on the road is not bad. It takes 18 minutes door to door.
But that is not the normal state.
In the mornings it can take from 45 minutes to over an hour.
And in the evenings it is never less than an hour or bumper to bumper slow and mind numbing traffic.
People are tired, mean and drive like idiots. No wonder Americans are so dumb. Their brains have been sucked out by driving to work in horrible traffic jams.
You come home and only want to go to bed and lay down and have no human contact. It is exhausting. I have a whole new respect for "commuter moms" and "soccer moms". All they do is drive kids from one venue to the next.
We decided very quickly that we needed a second car. Our little blue Subaru Wagon was OK. IT got us from point A to Point B if you did not have to go in Reverse. The problem with the reverse gear would cost more than I paid for the car to fix. So we’ve become very creative in finding ways NOT TO GO IN REVERSE. We seek out parking places where I can drive through or do not have to back out. We go around the block so we do not have to back out. Both of my BIW (brothers in law) who know cars told me to just drive it until it breaks down, keep all the fluids topped up and pray and keep my fingers crossed.
We needed at least one reliable form of transport. So I kept watching the newspapers to see what was the cheapest new car on the market. There was one dealer here who advertised KIA and HYUNDAI for $8,000. That was the absolute cheapest new car on the market. I did research on both. Both had god reviews and both had smaller models available internationally i.e. Europe and Asia that were not available in America. Americans do not like small city cars.
His one dealer had ads in the newspaper everyday. I watched that the prices went up on weekends and were $1000 lower during the week. All the cars were 2005 models, all had automatic, and air conditioning. Michael said he wanted a small car and a CD player the rest was not important. I wanted something that was small, looked OK, got good gas mileage and that fit our budget which was less than $10,000. I still roll my eyes that people will pay for a car here that costs more than my house and think nothing of it.
So this went on for several weeks. I finally asked my brother in law Tommy Riley (not to confuse with my Brother Tommy) to go with me and negotiate with them. He was my Bullshit Barometer. Car Salesmen are notorious for their sleazy and tricky ways.
The salesmen we got was like something out of a bad film. He was the worst car salesmen ever. The car that I wanted he said he did not have. When we pointed it out to him on his lot he said "oh well we have that one". Then I shoed him 5 or 6 more just like it further down. Then he tried to sell me a sorts car with all the Macho package… Big tires, expensive tire covers, special painted stripes, over sized exhaust systems, an monster sound systems. "Isn’t she a beauty?" "What not your type?" he said "Wrong Gender" I said. My brother in law cracked up but the guy did not get the joke. He then went on talking about how bad the car was and that I needed an bigger car to impress the girls. He talked non stop. I do not think he took time to breathe. He was so annoying that I got a head ache. We asked him to stop the Bullshit and give us his best price to walk out the door. The $8,000 car cost $15,000!!!! to drive it off the dealers lot.
We got up to walk out and he said he’d ask the manager. Oldest car dealers trick in the book. I took out the Newspaper ad and told him I want that car at that price in 5 minutes or we’re gone. He came back with an offer of $12,000. We left. I was ready to quit. My Brother in law was trying o get me to buy a used car. I did not want someone else’s problems.
We went home. The next day I called my dad . He drives a Hyundai. It’s the top model and looks like every luxury car to me. I cannot tell the difference between a Hyundai, a Lexus, or a Mercedes. They all look like Mercedes inside and out. The difference is the price tag. The Hyundai is a third of the price.
I asked him where he buys his cars. He told me about a dealer that is so close to my house I could (theoretically) walk to it. The difference was night and day. There the people were professional polite and actually listened to what I wanted. We told them the story of the other dealer and told us that he was going bankrupt , and that Hyundai had stopped delivering cars to him. He did not pay for them and sold them under false advertising and false discounts. I told them what I wanted and at what price. Unlike the other dealer he showed me the advertised price I ask was actually less than the price Hyundai sells it to them. He was up front and said he would take a $100 profit plus the cost of registering and title transfer and taxes that was a fixed cost he could not negotiate. I walked out with the car I wanted in less than an hour.
I had done my home work a head of time and had arranged with my bank to give me a loan for part of the price. The bank transferred the funds with a phone call and I had a new car. It did not have the CD player Michael wanted and the color was a bit to "silver" for me. Although it is called Polar Blue. But it otherwise it was fine.
The dealer told us that he could of course change the player to a CD player but that we’d do better to go to the Electronic shop in the mall and have them install a better system for a faction of the price he’s have to charge. I appreciated that. We took his advice.
Michael is quite happy with "his" car and feels a twinge of guilt that he’s got the "new" car but he loves that he can listen to his operas during his long commute. That is the only positive thing about it.
Santa is Coming to Town in Shorts and Flip Flops
Well Christmas is not really the same in Texas as it was in Vienna. Boy it just does not seem even wintry. Today is the first day that has been less that 20 degrees Celsius. I’ve still got flowers blooming in the garden. The grass is still green but you know that Christmas is here and has been since the beginning of October.
We’ve decided to try and ignore the commercial aspect of Christmas as much as possible. My siblings no longer exchange gifts and they each celebrate their own traditions with their receptive families. That is fine by me.
We had tried to do some of the more traditional Austrian stuff like an Adventkranz, Advent Calendar, Krippe, St. Nickolas on Dec 6. This year we decided that we’d invite each of my siblings families over for an "Advent Jausen" on the 4 Sundays of Advent.
SANDY
We started with my baby sister Sandy, Her husband Tommy, daughter Madilyne, and the twin boys Warren and Weston. Sandy and I have a special relationship. I’m 14 years older and have almost parental feelings towards her. As adults we’ve come to be very close since I’ve moved back. She’s a "normal" stay at home mom with well mannered normal kids and lives in a normal modest size home and has regular money problems like most of us. She’s also not in competition with the rich ones. She’s a bit shunned and looked down upon by them. Maybe that is why she and I get along. We’re in similar situations.
She’s also one who I don’t have to put on a show and who understands the importance of our pets. When Dante died she was the one who came over and who hugged us because we were sad.
ON the other hand I was the one she called when in early November her doctor told her that Warren might have Cystic Fibrosis. This could be potentially fatal. Thank goodness after further testing and I took her too another specialist they found that he did not have it but that he needed surgery.
Of course Tommy R. helped me with my cars, lent me his power tools, brought his kids over to help work in my yard and never makes me feel stupid for not knowing about "guy stuff" like cars and sports. He’s my resource for anything to do with cars, computers, and sports. He can explain it in a way that I understand. He actually a great guy. We’re also become good buddies.
So they were invited first. I told them I was painting the house on the weekend so the kids came dressed to paint the house . They wanted to have a "Tom Sawyer" party. (from the book by Mark Twain) The weather had been too wet to paint so I went to the garden center and bought more shrubs and more than 200 flower bulbs. The kids planted them all and love it. They enjoyed digging and getting dirty. I’ve got trees that are big enough the boy could climb in them. Madilyne enjoyed deciding which tulips went where. I have no idea what they planted where so it will be a real surprise garden In the spring.
At the table they loved that we had dessert first and the then really enjoyed Michael’s cooking. Weston was sitting next to Michael and asked could he come to dinner more often because "you’re an AWESOME cook". Michael was smiling from ear to ear. These kids are so sweet. They are curious, loving, and full of wonder. They are a pleasure to be around. We like them and they like us. Our house was like a toy store for them. They loved Verdi and Tosca. They played with them. They loved the DVDs and books, they liked running around in the garden and finding "neat stuff".
Warren had his surgery the next week. He had major nasal passage surgery and was in and out of the hospital in one day. He did not stay over night. (No insurance and they had to pay cash in advance). His surgery cost more than my car. It is a crime that in the USA a child does not have automatic healthcare. In Austria he would have been in the hospital a week but they took him home. He was bored the next day and he asked if he could come over to see "Gary-Michael". He still gets us confused but we made a deal with them. They are identical twins and we also get them confused if they dress alike. (but only in the first one or two minutes) So we told them they can call us Gary-Michael if we can call them Warren-Weston. They thought that was cool.
When they came over Warren looked like he had lost a boxing match. He sat in the living room holding Verdi. He seemed truly happy to see us and was proud to tell us all the gory details of his operation.
The next Sunday of Advent was supposed to be Gayle and her Family but they had a practice rehearsal for the Christmas Pageant that her Daughter Bailey was in. So they are coming this weekend. Instead we met friends from Austin Texas who are moving to Dallas.
TOMMY
Last Sunday we had my Brother Tommy, his wife Shelly and his three youngest kids Carsen, Kenedy, and Kali. (why they gave those kids misspelled names I'll never know). Tommy and I have also begun to get closer.
We might even actually start working together. (slight detour in the tale). Tommy called me in the middle of November and asked if I’d be interested in helping him figure out a new computer program that he had bought. It was a VERY expensive home builder contractor scheduling program. It promised to solve a lot of the scheduling and project management problem for him but he had neither the time nor the interest to learn it. I had both the time and the interest. So I set it up for him and have taken over the Administration of this as well as the redesign of his homebuilder webpage. We are both a bit weary of doing business with "family" we’ve both been stung when getting too emotionally close to people we do business with. So we are taking this slowly and trying to be up front and careful. But I might be something that could work out. We do have complementary talents and we do know the others strengths and weaknesses. Again this is a typical Cunningham negotiation we talk around it but never directly. Both of us are conflict and confrontation aversive. Tommy is probably the lest talkative of all my siblings. He keeps his business to himself. No one knows how much he has or does not have. But he has told me stuff that the rest of the family does not now about his business. He’s got a lot of project going on that he just does not discuss at family get-togethers.
He actually does not keep in too close contact with the family. Most of the family does not like his wife Shelly and I think the feeling is mutual. For some reason she likes us. It may change when she gets to know us better but so far so good. Her problem is she is in MAJOR competition with the Cunningham sisters in everything: how they look, dress, what they drive, where they live, who has the best taste and style, whose kids are better at what ever they think is important. But Shelly’s major problem is that she is not too diplomatic. She says exactly what she thinks without thinking how the other person might react. She’s aggressive and she knows what she wants and by golly she’ll get it "come hell or high water". She is one of those women who gets her way. Tommy is really different around her than he is when we’re alone.
Thanksgiving was a good example of that. At the meal he did not say a word. But after it as over and the girls were all sitting around talking and being all lovey-dovey kiss kiss. (now the funny thing is the Cunningham Sisters are all sweetness and charm with her to her face and dish on her and complain about her when she leaves) The Brothers in law were all watching the football game on TV. The kids were playing with their cousins. Ben one of the monster kids from my sister BJ asked Tommy to take him Bird hunting with his Pellet Gun (similar to a pump gun) because his dad won’t and his mom said that his uncle Tommy would.
So Tommy packed up a bunch of the nephews into the SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle) to take them to the "lake house" to go shoot some birds. He asked me if I wanted to go. I said why not? OK you all know that hunting is not high on my list of fun things to do but I wanted to see his lake house. So Tom and I went with Ben, Trenton, Carsen, and Kenedy to go shoot some birds.
The lake is about 30 minutes away. Many people have lake houses that are similar to those "summer houses" people in Vienna have. Not big and usually DYI construction. Minimal comforts. Just someplace to go and hangout near the water and in the sun. Well Tommy does not do things halfway. His "little lake house" would look more appropriate on Lago di Gardi or Lago di Como. It is a three story Italianate Villa amongst the corrugated metal roof shacks and fishing huts. This "little lake house can sleep up to 20 people. It has two gourmet kitchens inside and a large grilling kitchen outside. The problem is that it only has 4 bathrooms. Of course the master bath has the two person marble tub and his and her showers. The wraparound balconies have views over the "boathouse and dock" to an uninterrupted view of the lake. It was impressive but over built for the surroundings. It is a major party house. His teenage girls love bringing their friend there. I can now see why.
The boys enjoyed tormenting the birds and shooting persimmon fruit off the trees. They were not very good. They found a fox but he was to sly and fast for these boys and their guns. It was interesting to watch these kids. Ben likes to hunt, kill and destroy things, Trenton was interested but not as "gung-ho macho" as Ben. Carsen was more interested in finding the animals as killing them. Kenedy was more interested in throwing persimmons on the barn. They "splat" good.
Two weeks later at their Advent Jausen Carsen and Kennedy and their Sister Kali came and also were easily entertained by the cats. I had planned a special activity for them. I had found a kit where you could make stones out of concrete, color it with concrete dye, and then press in letters to make words in stone. I thought they might like to press their names in the wet cement and make a family stone garden in my garden.
I thought it might be a good idea to test it first. It proved to be too messy but I still like the idea and I’m in the process of making a stone for everyone in my family and putting them around my garden.
When Shelly saw what I wanted to do she said that maybe hey shouldn’t do that. Her kids are always perfectly dressed and groomed. I knew that but had old shirts they could wear and had plastic gloves. But these kids are not allowed to get dirty.
It did not matter. Verdi proved to be a great baby sitter. He is still young enough not to be afraid of them. Again the kids loved that Michael let them have dessert before the meal. He made a pink cake with green icing. I was supposed to be red but Kali was so thrilled that Michael knew her favorite color was pink. Of course he did not but if it made her happy why not?
Tom and Shelly are famous for never staying more than a hour at family events. They stayed 3 hours and Shelly offered to help Michael in the kitchen….. So it was a success.
On the Same Sunday morning we went to see Gayle’s kids Bailey and Mason and Sandy’s Daughter Madilyne in a Christmas Pageant. It as very well done. It had a cute theme of "3 Wisemen and a Baby" The 3 wise men were Elvis, Garth Brooks ( a country western singer) and James Brown (Rhythm & blues singer). Although in a church the music was rock, country and pop musical. The kids sang and danced well. Little Mason has never said a word to me so I was surprised at how well he spoke on stage. HE was a natural.
Last Tuesday we went to see Kenedy perform at "Rhythm Nation" an upscale overpriced recording studio. The idea is great. You got all thee rich parents whose kids want to be the next Madonna, Britney Spears or White Rap Hip Hop Star. Take them to a place where the only black guy in town (whose happens to be British) charges them a fortune to produce a DVD Music Video of their kids singing and dancing badly.
Well Kenedy invited us to watch him sing. He is a real character and we thought it would be fun. We watched and he sang…. It was passable but he had no stage presence. They had chosen the wrong song for his voice. He had no costume….. and it cost the audience $10 apiece plus the $40 an hour lessons. It was a real rip off. The church Christmas pageant was much more creative, colorful and fun… And it was free.
